During a flight from Phoenix to Detroit,  an Umpiring Crew Chief of Major League Baseball asked me, “Fred, how can my guys feel good about themselves when they can’t win?” He went on to explain the most significant challenge in leading a professional umpire team is keeping the morale and the passion of his men up.
 
If we do our jobs well, we are invisible, receiving no acclaim or appreciation for our expertise.  If we do our jobs poorly, we are scrutinized the next day by the media, only after we have been given new names by the crowd during the game.  After a while it grates your sense of worth and contribution.

His question is one I find myself answering frequently in similar conversations with executives throughout the country.  “How can I win in an unwinnable situation that is outside of my sphere of control?”  Today, many people in the U.S. including homeowners, real estate professionals, nurses and doctors, business leaders, workers, charity heads and corporate executives are all struggling with “keeping faith in themselves” in such a daunting time.

My answer was the only one that came to mind.  Winning in what appears to be an unwinnable situation begins with changing the audience for which you are playing in front of.  It’s really about stepping back and asking yourself, what are the non-negotiable values in your life that you want to pass on to your children?  They are the qualities that you know God, your family and yourself would honor.

If your crew can be true to themselves, no matter how loud the crowd is screaming, complaining, or even applauding, then they have won a great victory of not losing themselves while trying to be all things to everyone else.

When society’s outside measurements tell us we are not winning when we lost our jobs, our homes, our positions, our retirement dreams or even the cheers from the crowd, if you have kept your integrity, your humility and your character, you have won no matter what!

My umpire friend replied, “You know, I made a bad call in the game last night. That crowd was tough on me.  I wish I had those words when I was beating myself up. They are so simple but yet it is something to hold onto in the moment…We all lose sight of that.  Being true to my inner umpire”, he said laughing.

That’s right, Play ball!

In the past month, I spent time with a team of leaders at a powerful, Midwest company. These leaders expressed a widespread fear – they’re worried about the economy and losing their jobs. In just a few hours, we worked to reposition their thinking by exploring concepts that they said “provided them with a much-needed shot in the arm and renewed focus”. This is the lesson we shared:

The vast majority of people in the United States are fear based. When circumstances are difficult, fear-based people focus on others, external events around them, and the solutions of others as the means to address their fears and find a sense of control in their situation. Unfortunately, when we depend on others for our solutions, we miss a powerful means for facing difficulty – taking responsibility for ourselves and for the outcomes we desire.

Many of us fall into “victim thinking” in uncertain times. We give away our power (or energy in terms of time, focus and resources) to events, the economy, other people, or to the fear itself. This act of giving away our power has a tendency to take on a life of its own, and begins to paralyze and exacerbate those all-too-familiar feelings of hopelessness.

The following six behaviors indicate that you may have fallen into this attitude or filter in your own life. This is where you have to face the mirror and say, “Have I been acting out in one of these ways?”

1. Blaming: Pointing the finger at something or someone else for your situation. “My problems are because of my boss.”
2. Self-pity: Rolling up in a ball and having your own little pity party – poor you. “It’s not fair”.
3. Hopelessness: Feeling like there is nothing you can do. “I have no options.”
4. Resignation: Losing motivation by checking out. “I am just going to go through the motions”. You can’t always control what happens TO you but you can control what happens IN you when it happens to you.
5. Anger turned to bitterness: Resentment toward another person, event or circumstance. “I will never forgive him” or “She is going to pay for that”.
6. Entitlement: Feeling like you deserve special treatment. “I deserve a pay raise because I have always received a pay raise in the past” or “I deserve a hefty bonus because I am the CEO of this company”.

Victim thinking depletes our passion, hope and solutions. We often get stuck on the events in question rather than looking inward for alternative ways of addressing the situation. But when we choose to take responsibility to alter the reality – even when we didn’t directly cause the problem – we are seeking a more desirable outcome, which is an empowering step to take.

Recently, a friend of mine provided me with a great example of how she moved from being a victim to taking responsibility. She recently lost her home and for the first few weeks, was very bitter. All she could think about was how unfairly she’d been treated and how her life was ruined. One day, she realized that while she was so absorbed with blaming everyone else, she had failed to look inward and ask what she could do differently – what she could do to turn the situation into something positive.

When she began to take responsibility to change her attitude, she began seeing things in a new light. While she missed her home, she thought about how much clutter had piled up in that house. In a strange way, she felt relieved when she took responsibility for the fact that she’d overcommitted to this particular financial situation. Now, her energy was redirected to correcting her behavior instead of blaming others for her misfortune.

She began re-examining her values, simplifying her life and focusing on relationships rather than possessions. In her rented apartment, she learned that she could be just as happy and could get by with so much less. She found an “incredible release from the pressure of just trying to keep up with all the stuff”.

In that uneasy time, she could have stayed bitter. But she made the choice to become better. If you are facing a difficult situation, either personally or professionally, take action. Ask yourself if you have given into “victim thinking” and make a plan with these key questions in mind:

• Without beating yourself (or your team) up, what are the things I/we could have done differently that might have led to a different outcome in that specific area?
• What are the barriers or obstacles keeping me (or my team) from the desired reality?
• For every obstacle named, what are three specific actions I/we can take to positively impact the outcome?

The key to finding empowerment in fearful days is to take responsibility for the outcome you desire. Face your fear (everyone has fear). Develop a specific plan. Be prepared to make adjustments. Work the plan. Recommit to the plan each and every day, and correct the course along the way – as with any strategy, the odds of reaching your goals are much higher with the right attitude and a specific roadmap to guide your journey.

Often, I am summoned to work with executive teams that have become highly dysfunctional and are struggling to lead effectively. Dysfunction in a team hurts business!

It slows down the speed of decision-making. Instead of executives being able to put issues and concerns on the table in real time speed, a tap dance commences. Team members measure their words, engage in political speak, or avoid the issues altogether, therefore sending them back under the table to fester and grow. Rather than deal with issues decisively, time is wasted as teammates spend more time posturing in official meetings and ally building in the “real” meetings before or after the meeting.

This dysfunction lessens the quality of decision making. Important information which may be uncomfortable to share for fear of repercussion, of a dress down from a leader, or of body language from teammates that shout disapproval, is kept under tap. Thus key insights are kept from the discussion that could lead to more effective solutions.

A common link between every dysfunctional team I have assisted is that there is always an underlying “un”forgiveness issue(s) that has eroded relationships among some or all team members and their ability to work together collaboratively and or effectively. Just this week, an executive revealed to me that he dreaded coming to work because of deep resentment toward his boss after some uncomfortable interactions. He indicated that he now avoided conversations for weeks at a time with his boss and had even become resistant to working with his peers of whom he regarded as his boss’ allies. His performance was definitely impacted!

Upon asking me what he could do to change the situation, I told him that he had given his power away to his boss. His feelings about another had literally taken control and were now driving his poor attitude and subsequent performance. In effect, his boss was now in complete charge, even of his private emotions. Asked how he could break this miserable cycle, I told him the first step was to take back his power by forgiving his boss.

I explained that forgiving his boss was not about pretending those hurtful episodes had never happened. Neither was it about becoming best buds nor trusting him upon the moment of the granting of forgiveness (forgiveness and trust are two separate issues). Forgiveness required his conscious decision to begin the process of letting go of his inner wrath toward his boss! He wouldn’t have to make him his confidant, but he didn’t have to remain hostile either. It was a choice to become emotionally neutral. Lastly, I reminded him that it was a process that would require him to renew that commitment to himself each time those painful feelings resurfaced.

He laughed as he told me that he wasn’t expecting a “churchy” answer but that it was truly great business advice. Although forgiveness certainly is part of the spiritual realm, it also would be his first step toward genuinely reengaging his boss and his team. His leadership success depended on it. His responsibility to himself demanded it even more. Ultimately forgiving someone is the ultimate act of self-leadership. If you are not willing to lead yourself, don’t expect to be effective in leading others. Comments??!!